"Wow, i didn't know we had a lumberjack working for the rennovation company..."

"What's a lumberjack?"

*Queue several crows flying pass in the background.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geck Ingtereneck! Geck Rit of iur Children!

One day i was driving and the car stereo was on....

"Can't handle your kids? Why don't you get broadband? It'll keep them busy thoughout the holidays. There's so much you can learn from then net!"

Ah~ Broadband! Something that has begun to grow roots into the daily lives of society.

Wait a minute!? Did the woman just say introduced broadband to a friend so that she use it to get rid of her children!?

WTF!!?!

What are they trying to say!?

Here's a prediction of the near future....

A 5-year-old runs eargerly to her dad.

Girl : Papa, papa~!!

Dad : Yes Dear?

Girl : What do you and Mami do for fun ah?

Dad : Well, Papa and Mami like to go for movies, and take long walks at waterfront.

Girl : Liddat meh!? Eeeee~~~~ Why papa and mami so old-fashion one.....

Dad : Huh? Liddat also called old-fashioned meh?

Girl :
Yaloh~ Coz on the Ingtereneck, we see sooo many uncle aunty play wrestling ah! Then all uncles and kokos we see play cheat one~! They attached a stick between their legs and then poke it into the aunty and cheche's cheebye ah~! And make them all scream in paing ah! But theng hoh, the Aunty or cheches scream for more woh.....

The dad gets a heart-attack......

Children are very curious!

Curiousity + Internet is not a good combination!

What more to say have an advertisment that encourages parents to get internet, and let their children use it so that they can do something else.

In other words, children use the internet without parental supervision!

Right......ok.........

Knowing the nature of kids, they like to learn from what they see on television....

Back in our days, it was Cowboys and Indians, Wearing our underwear outside and pretending to be Superman, or strapping a rotan hamper basket on our backs, and fake weapons screaming out words like "KAWABANGA!" or "DUDE!!!" (ninja turtles loh!).

What will happen if the above was let to happen.....

Imagine parents being called to the pricipal's office not because they children beat up some poor kid at school, but because he sexually harrassed a female classmate in the school library......

Is this really what you want???

Lucy-Fur.....



i've always been a Dog-person since i could remember.
For some reasons, i am very taken to how cute dogs can be.


Maybe it's just because my house has never been empty of dogs before.


or maybe, coincidentially, i was born in the year of a dog. See, what a bastard i turned out to be?


But sometimes, there's always a black sheep of the crowd that you can never find it in you heart to love...


meet Lucy-Fur! The devil's incarnate! The Monster! The Dog that chased almost every kid in my neighbourhood during it's reign!


.


.


.





....ok...so i sucked at drawing.......


Anyways,


this bitch (meaning Female Dog, in case you think it's a pun) was brown, had long fur and eyes that would even make you nanny cry.


Everytime the doors to owners' house was open, she'd roam the lane of my block. Chasing poor innocent passers-by. Terrorizing poor deffenceless children. And i, was one of these poor deffenceless children.


Almost everytime i came fast-to-face with this bitch, it'd chase me all the way back to my gate.


Almost everyone was afraid of its notorious nature. And no one dared to confront it.


I later learnt that its name was Lucy......and after my countless 'encounters' with this beast, i finally decide that its name should be changed......Thus 'Lucy-Fur' was born.....


As time passed, the poor-deffenceless-children grew up. Being bigger in size, made us braver than we had been.


And finally, one fateful day,
i was just walking home from a trip to the nearby shops, when Lucy-Fur rushed out at me. i finally found enough courage in me to rush at her.


She ran.....


Finally, her reign over me was over....


Years had gone by since then. Lucy-Fur is dead now.....probably causing havoc in heaven(yes, couse all dogs go to heaven, despite how nasty they lived) somewhere, chasing some poor-deffenceless angels around the clouds somewhere.

What the KCUF!?



"OMG! What the heck is that woman doing nude? And why is she doing squat-ups in front of those officers!?"


"Didn't you hear?? It's been the hottest topic since bread came sliced. Said some officers stripped searched some chinese women and made her do some disgracing things in front of them!"


"What the......isn't that illegal!?"


"Well, yea, considering there are no Laws or 'standard procedures' where you have to be stripped searched"


"Hold on, that woman looks awfully familiar!"


"Oh?"


"WHOLY CRAP!!!! THAT's MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!"


Imagine that happening to you. How would you feel?


It's horrible!


Ever since we were kids, we were brought up on the belief that the Police are the once whom will:


Up-hold the law!


and


Protect the Weak and Innocent.


Instead, they spend their time, precious time that they could've used to solve more criminal cases, thinking up ridicules 'standard procedures' like this to miss-use their authority!


talk about "Mengharapkan pagar, pagar makan padi"!!!


Do you actually think that this is funny!?


Are you bored to death, so bore that you have to play disgrace others for the benefit of you own pleasure!?


Who the FCUK do you think you are!?


Need i remind you that they are also flesh and blood like you!?



People like these deserve to go though the same disgrace and torture that they've inflicted onto others.


The law should seriouly consider putting them throught the same torment. Yes, let them have the Pleasure of being Strip-searched and do Squat-ups Nude while someone records everything on tape!

Ways to tell if you hate cats

1. You step on accelarator when you see a cat crossing the street.
   
   
2. You have an 'urge' when a cat passes you by while you are holding a cup of Steaming-Hot-coffee.
   
   
3. You have an air-pistol in your room labbelled "For Cats Only".
   
   
4. You see a cat in your car-porch and you open the door and chase it around the block
   
   
5. You name your Pitbull 'Pussy-No-More'.
   
   
6. You feel like doing something to the neighbour's persian cat......invloving a shaver.
   
   
7. You attach a fish to a trip-wire to a catapult in you backyard.
   
   
8. Instead of milk, you teach the neighbour's kitten to drink Detol+water
   
   
9. You sneak up behind a cat drinking by a lake and, suddenly, Screams!
   
   
10. You strap a fire-cracker onto the neighbour's cat's clock-work mouse.
    
    
11. You start masturbating a lot after seeing this...
    
    
    
12. Instead of feeding the stray cats 'Whiskers', you feed them 'Whisky'.....
    
    
13. "hereEE~~ kitty~ kitty~" urged Tom with a mallet hidden behind his back
    
    
14. You have you garden sprinkler modified to spray gasoline and you have a box of match sitting on your closet by the door.
    
    
15. You keep Electric Eels as pets in your garden pond.
    
    
16. You see a cat resting at the roof of your apartment building and you sneak up to it and scream!

Disclaimer:
Indeed, i hate cats, but i am not a maniac and i've never done the above. Well, not most of them, that is.

However,
you are welcome to try any of them. Be sure to tell me how it felt. Send me pictures if you manage to take them.

"Oh, my suicidal dreams.....
voices telling me what to do......"

The Urge....



Flip open the day's papers, a certain person has just taken his/her own life.....



Yet, another suicide.....



It seems to have become a trend these days. Almost everyday, you'd see a news in the papers about a death by suicide.



Makes you wonder what life actually mean to people now. It's scary to see how easy people can take away their own lives in a just a blink of an eye for any small, stupid reason.



Why?



Depression maybe? i think so. For some reasons, the person may have lost his self-esteem. Maybe he was brought up by people who despises him. Who keep telling him that he's not good enough to even be alive. Who keep pushing him towards the edge and pushing his buttons.



In the end, he'd gotten used to being a told that he's useless and he begins to think that he Is.



What else could've caused it?



Take the story "Romeo and Juliet" for instance. They longed so much to be with each other despite the objection of their families. In the end, the killed themselves....hoping that will keep them together forever.....



i guess you could say this story actually has a huge effect on people today.



Ever so often, you'd hear or read about the news of young couples, committing suicide together. Just because their parents rejected the fact that they both loved each other.



Maybe they think that it's romatic to die that way?



i think it's stupid.



Just because you've failed once or twice in life, doesn't mean that the future will be dark forever. Things change, and problems can be solved, one way or another. Nothing is worth taking your own life for.



Besides, you owe that much to your parents to stay alive. Considering the fact that your mother went through excruciating pain to bring you to this world. And afterwards, went through so much hardship and toils to keep you alive.



Just to have you leap from a high building or find your hanging from your room ceiling.....



For what? For some stupid reason of being rejected by some girl/boy...



Think that will be the end of their hardship and toils?



No! They'd have to live with the guilt that they've failed at being parents.



Or maybe that's just what you wanted? You Sick, Weak Bastard!



There are so many dying people, praying for more time to live. And go out and take your own live. i bet there are many who'd want to bash you up when they meet you in the Other World!

Aesthetic Shit!

just another normal Sunday like any other......

Right?

i guess so....

Spent almost the whole day re organizing my room.....

not to mention give it a much needed cleaning.....

i'm a typical guy......room gets messy after a while........

and besides the dust was killing me......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

so i was happily cleaning away,

moving everything around,

vacumning-up all the dust....

then Fify did something she hadn't done for ages......
(Fify's my 13-year-old Shih Tzu by the way...that's like 91 human years!)

she took a crap in my dad's study.......

Crystalcrismoon witnessed the whole thing and she was like

"OH GOSH! FIFY!!! NOOOOOOO~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!"

......too late.......thus the bomb was dropped..........

Great! More work!

it was not until i took another glance of the discharge that i noticed something really amusing!

at first....i thought it looked something like the Leaning Tower of Pisa....

So Crystalcrismoon suggested that i take a picture of it......

and so i did.......(right, you'd probably think i'm nuts....wait for it.....)

and later....i noticed it looked like something even MORE INTERESTING!!!!!

and i was like,

"WHOLY CRAP! IT LOOKS LIKE A....."

Well you be the judge.....

Warning: the following picture is not suitable for viewer who are eating, just ate, has issues with droppings, or is feeling unwell.......

You were warned.....

3

2

1

0

oh gosh......it's a.........
(a Hint.....it's a Male......)

After the recent haircut i had,
i am now an official Dork.......oh crap......

but then again,
that's what you get for not wanting to go the extra mile to pay for an over-rated haircut over at one of those, so-called, hair professional saloons.

which brings us today's topic....


Gel, the artificial semen on the head!



Many of my friends and aquaintances have asked me the same questions over and over again......


"Why don't you just use some gel on your hair and make it look better?"


Ah, Gel. One of the inventions of mankind. How do you use it? You put it all over your hair and shape it to the style you desire. And as a result, you,supposedly, look better than you actually do and Girls will dig you for your Macho Looks.......


Yeah, right.......


Indeed, gel is one of the best inventions since bread came sliced. True, when you apply it on your hear and comb your hair right, girls Do indeed pay more attention to you when you're talking to them. Well, sometimes.......anyways......


However, all that beauty doesn't come without a price. It's always a hassle washing your hair clean after the day/date is over.


i hate doing that. What's worse is that you can never get everything out after only one wash. And if the gel has a strong smell, it will form another smell when it combines with the smell of you shampoo and Vua~la~! The perfect tear gas is created. The stench is horrible.


but, that's not the entire story......


Remember the movie "There's something about Mary?", the one starring Cameron Diaz and Ben Stiller. No? Then you're pretty much too young to be reading blogs, so go to bed! Anyway, there's a part in the movie where the guy was about to go out with Mary and a friend of his tells him that he should go out "louded". So off he goes with a piece of newspaper clipping full of pictures of girls into his bathroom. What's he up to? Du'uh!


So he was reaching his climax when Mary arrived at his door. The guy, startle by the knock at his door, didn't see where he ejaculated......and when he opens the door, Mary saw some "Gel" hanging from his ear.....and she took it an spread it over the front of her hair!!!


HORRIBLE!!!!


And thus, i was truamatized!! (yeah, right...)


but one thing's for sure, i despise the feeling of putting on gel. i love to feel the wind blowing through my hair on a windy afternoon. i love to run my fingers through my hair, though i've been warned that it's going to make me bald. And putting on gel just takes that all away.


besides, any girl who likes you for what you look like on the outside, is as shallow as water in a plate, despite how deep her pussy may be.


So, guys, the next time you put gel on your hair.....think of the movie.....

相遇

昨天看见两只蚂蚁相遇，
只是彼此碰了一下触须就向反方向爬去...
爬了很久以后......突然都感到遗憾，
在这样广大的时空中，
体形如此微的同类不期而还遇。

可是我们竟没有彼此拥抱一下。

蚂蚁心中想着：
随着宇宙空间的新开拓，
我们的体形更加微小了，什么时候，
还能碰见几只可以碰一下触须，打声招呼，
然后对视良久，终于紧紧拥抱的蚂蚁？
来一次世间，容易吗？
有一次相遇，容易吗？
叫一声朋友，容易吗？

仍然是那句话......学会珍惜，小心翼翼。



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



看了这篇文章后，难免会然我有所感触。 的确，漫长的人生中，我们会遇见的人可真的很多。 但是，人生中会遇见的知己又有几个呢？


许多时候，我们都会在不同时候遇见几个要好的朋友。 在彼此抚恤的情况中，让彼此成长。


人生却难免有离别......


时间久了，那段友情难免会变淡......当在相遇时，也许就和以往不同了。


因为人都会改变。


因此，珍惜吧，相聚的时光......

*TONG* *TONG* *TONG* *TONG*

Ladies and gentlemenS, we are testing the fire alarm system. There is no need for ENVILCUATION. Thank you for your EXTENSION....

errr........right.........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Originality.....DEAD.......

There was a time not so long ago that you could actually remember all the names of the singers and actors/actresses you see or hear on the radio. Back then, when you go to the cinema, the fare was only around RM3~RM4. And you can be sure those movies will have you at the edge of your seats. Why? Was it Script? Was it the Actors/Actresses? Well, it was both.

Back then, whenever your hear a tune on the radio, you know it's original. You know the composer poured his heart and soul into it so that us listener will be touched by the the lyrics and moved by the tune.

Sadly, gone were the days when Originality reigned.......

It's different now.....

These days, you'll have to pay a freaking RM9 just see a movie. What's worse? Seeing a movie so bad, you feel like spitting at the poster on your way out. Oh the effects are wonderful these days. So many things you can do with CG (Computer Generated) these days. But what ever happened to originality and imaginative script writing? Many scripts Freaking Sucks. And we more and more REMAKES of movies from the past (War of the Worlds, Amityville Horror, King Kong, Charlie's Angels, Michael Jack...ops!!! i meant Charlie's Chocolate Factory.........). And how about the remakes from Japanese films (The Ring, The Ring 2, Dark Water.......). What's up with that? i'm sure the script writers can do better than that! If they only spent more time thinking rather than sleeping around with their Fame and scratching their furry butts.

It's no wonder the movie industry is dying........

And as if it wasn't enough.......

i turned on the radio and if it's some black-homie-'Dawg' hip-hopping away about how he just wants to have sex with a gal a little bit, it's some other black-homie-'Dawg' rapping about how he Great he is at making women get naked. i don't have anything against black people, in fact i actually think black people are cool. And the hip-hop's very nice too. But for goodness sakes, stop playing hip-hop continuously LAH!!!!

So i changed the channel, hoping i could hear something other than black-homies-'Dawgs' hip-hopping. Nothing could've prepared me for the SHOCK, the TORTURE, the HORROR.......i heard.........Jolin Tsai......Singing a mandarin version of Jewel's "They"!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to think the D.J. commented that it was a cute song!? Jolin's famous for doing this though......remember "Don't Stop" in her debut album... and her image...... 'coincidentially' looks so much like Ayumi Hamasaki! *COUGH!*copycat*COUGH!*

That's not all....this morning crystalcrismoon just gave one of the most horrifying new of all. It was more frightening than hearing that you have AIDS. More scary than seeing a 90-year-old A Mah naked. More terrifying than seeing Arnold nude........ it was the news of her hearing the madarin version of Numa Numa Dance on the radio! ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!! KNN!!!!!!!!! CCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Say it ain't so!!!!!
SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's really, truely, terribly HORRIJIBLE AH!!!!

ORIGINALITY IS DEAD!!!!!!! IT'S DEAD I TELL YOU!!!!!!!

Read em' and Weep....

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work
and productivity from students, it will be our policy
to keep all students well taught through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TEACHING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T.
than anyone else. If you feel that you do not
receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course,
please see your lecturer. You will be immediately
placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our
lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you
get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be
placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL
EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously
will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers
took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't
have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of
S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a
job teaching others. We can add your name to our
BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career
in management andconsulting, we will refer you to
the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL
RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).
This course emphasizes how to manage
M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to
our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH
INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH
INTENSITY TEACHING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

PS. Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 or more people
who need S.H.I.T. in their life, just not the same
person who sent you this S.H.I.T., they have
already had their fill of S.H.I.T. Thank You for your
time.

Sincerely,
The Director Under the Michigan Bureau of Super
High Intensity Teaching. (The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)